Your relationships may be in trouble if they involve negative interactions more often than positive ones. John Gottman, Ph.D., a world famous marriage researcher, has spent 20 years studying thousands of relationships. He found people in happy relationships report 5 times more positive experiences with each other than they do negative ones.
Gottman found, after a fight or disagreement, happy couples “repair “the break and go on, rather than stay in the anger and hurt. He also found that expressions of disgust towards a partner are strong indicators that a relationship is in trouble.
Collected from the work of many therapists, the following lists offer examples of some very painful dynamics that can be found in troubled relationships of all kinds (not just intimate ones.) Often the dynamics are a result of patterns learned from role modeling in childhood, or developed in response to traumatic experiences.
Although many of these dynamics are fairly common, it may be disconcerting to see them in print, and to realize that they may be present, in one degree or another, in your relationships. Awareness is the first step to changing
